My son started soccer this month, first sport. He’s in the 2-3 age bracket so really it’s just them learning how to run in a straight line and mostly chasing butterflies.
The first class was eye opening.
The way some of these parents speak to their kids is appalling. I couldn’t believe the things I was hearing. They’re 2 years old!
It really reinforced what I’ve been preaching recently, that the language and what we say to our kids shapes them and is SOOOO important. I saw flashes of these poor kids in the future with the problems I see in middle school and high school.
If ¼ of the kids now are getting no empathy, sympathy, hugs, or positive words, no wonder there are so many acting out.
You could see the first kid was a little shy and nervous about being there and the father kept pushing him, ‘you’re fine, you’ve done this before, what is your problem?’ Pushing him, pushing him, the whole time.
The kids were new to each other, so yes, he may have done it before but that doesn’t mean that he was comfortable with everyone. And the father didn’t even take a moment to consider that.
The second family blew my mind. This girl was about 2.5 years old and was losing her shit. They got there late and then pushed her onto the field. She had a meltdown of course. Also this class is 11am for toddlers. That’s very close to lunch time and nap time. I was expecting mine to lose his shit but he was actually ok miraculously.
The father kept pushing her to stand up and they were yelling at her to participate. She would claw at his pants and want to be picked up. He could’ve stopped for one second to give her a hug. Not one positive word.
I heard the parents say they would take things away for not participating. This is 2 year old soccer, this isn’t even competitive. I was disgusted.
She calmed down a couple times and the coach spoke to her and she did something and then I handed her a cone to bring over and she did it. Interesting that she did fine with others, so maybe those parents needed to self reflect on their parenting and being a fucking human being. But I digress.
She did participate towards the end and went and scored a goal. They didn’t even cheer for her and the rest of us cheered for all the kids every time.
At the end, the kids got stickers. As we were leaving I heard the mom go “you shouldn’t have gotten any, you didn’t even do anything”.
If I felt that in my gut, what do you think a 2 year old feels?
And this is why everyone is having conversations about childhood “trauma”, emotional baggage, self esteem, anxiety and shame. It happens so often and in a blink of an eye. We’ve all been there, words come tumbling out of our mouths and we don’t even think in frustration. It’s not about NOT making mistakes (we will), it’s about how do you correct that to repair your relationship with your child.
Because right now, I think that little girl is feeling like she’s not worthy, she can’t do anything right, her parents are always mad at her and she failed. Instead of being celebrated for what she DID do that day and have the courage and self esteem to keep getting better at it.
I was so disgusted and feel like it’s just going to get worse as they get older. I may not be able to do team sports—I always want to step in and help the kids when they are having a difficult time. And it’s even worse, when they are having a hard time because of their own parents.
My kid may have to do solo activities. These parents are going to make my blood pressure rise and I have perfect blood pressure, thank you very much.
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Life With Purpose (And Other Things) 