Think Again: You Don’t Have To Believe Every Thought You Have

Adam Grant is an organizational psychologist who has written a few books now like Give and Take and Hidden Potential and this book, Think-Again.

In a nutshell, the book is about the value of rethinking in our life. He gives a lot of good examples and anecdotes about things and recognizable companies to make his ideas really tangible and easy to understand. 

I love a good book that gives you a lot of aha moments or leads you to stop and think for a second as you’re reading.

As we go through life, we often have to rethink what we’ve known or, more likely, what we think we know. Or at least we should be in order to grow as humans.

How many people had a hard time when they told us Pluto is no longer a planet? I know I did. 

No wonder it’s so hard to get older people to change their minds about things–Could you imagine thinking you know something for 70 years to be told it’s wrong? That would open a pandora’s box of your mind—what else were you wrong about?! What else don’t you really know??

It’s easier to just ignore it and keep a closed mind.

He also has a lot of recent examples as this was written in 2021, so he references the 2016 election and the Pandemic which was very relevant to us. That period of time is a prime cautionary tale of what happens when you don’t THINK AGAIN and when you hold on so tight to what you think you believe–because it’s better to hold your convictions instead of admitting you were wrong. 

One great example was the creator of Blackberry. He was so good and inventive for the time. The value of the company was over $70 billion and was the most used during that period. He failed at rethinking once Apple came onto the scene. 

Even when he had employees telling him that he needed to add a reliable browser to keep up with Apple, he refused, which led to his demise. He was so fixated on keeping his baby as is, instead of changing with the times. 

Did you know that even Jobs was resistant to turning the Ipod into a phone? When his team urged him to do it, he refused because he didn’t like phone companies and didn’t want to be one. But they worked together and convinced him that it would be a computer company that just added a phone. 

People are more open to change when you include a vision of continuity. He was curious about what they presented and after 6 months he agreed to it. Four years after the launch, iPhone accounted for half of Apple’s revenue.

Can you imagine if they didn’t try to convince him at all, if he didn’t become curious and was just stuck in his ways, or they came at him with a different approach? The iPhone as it exists today, may never have been or would’ve been different. Or we maybe would’ve all still been using Blackberries.  

One chapter was about teaching students to question knowledge. It’s about teaching kids to be fact checkers, scientists, to keep learning and keep an open mind. There’s a lot of examples of things done in classrooms which would be great for teachers to look into.

I wrote down these quotes because they are really thought provoking:

  • “When we lack the knowledge and skills to achieve excellence, we sometimes lack the knowledge and skills to judge excellence”
  • “No matter how much brain power you have, if you lack the motivation to change your mind, you’ll miss many occasions to think again.” 
  • “It’s a sign of wisdom to avoid believing every thought that enters your mind. It’s a mark of emotional intelligence to avoid internalizing every feeling that enters your heart”
  • “When someone becomes hostile, if you respond by viewing the argument as a war, you can either attack or retreat. If instead you treat it as a dance, you have another option–you can sidestep.”

And some that really made me stop and think:

We’ve been seeing a lot of this in the last few years and it’s going to lead to our demise unless we start being objective and subjective about things. Putin is also a great example of a whole nation silenced because they don’t agree with him and support him; a petulant child having an adult tantrum with very serious consequences. He would be a psychotherapists dream.

We need to not take things so personally–we need to separate our opinions from our identity. Too many people are taking things so personally like it’s a personal attack to their being instead of a disagreement of ideals or beliefs. I don’t know how we got like this in our country–you’re either a democrat or a republican, you’re either with me or against me. We are going to be our own demise and it’s very sad to see. Strong leaders address the duress they don’t add fuel to the fire nor do they ignore it. They are mature enough to have a conversation about it–a logical one. Not everyone needs to agree on everything and I don’t know where we went wrong and started thinking that way.

And finally:

This one had me think about my life, my journey of figuring out what the hell I want to do with the years I have left. And it made me realize that we sometimes pressure ourselves to do things we think are what we are supposed to do, or steer our life in the way we think it should go. But sometimes when it feels like you’re just crashing into waves the whole time maybe, just maybe, life is telling you to let go and see where you end up. I’ve definitely been trying to do this in the last year.

I read another book after this that I really loved and aligned with this Designing-Your-Life, it’s about thinking like a designer for your life and building a life of joy. I’ll be reviewing it at some point, I’m in the middle of my 2nd read right now. Sometimes we get stuck thinking that our path has to be the one we originally thought and we’re so fixated on it that we miss the other opportunities that usually are better for us.

Overall, this book was excellent and I will go back to reread it as well. The theme I am seeing from what I’m learning is that open-mindedness and the ability to pivot and rethink ideas and beliefs are some of the strongest traits a successful person and leader could have in life.

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Monthly Roundup: April

What I’ve Been Up To:

Had a great time in Denver for a few of days the end of March into April. We missed the Monday snowstorm and got there on Wednesday where the rest of the week was 58-65 degrees. It felt so amazing to be outside and moving every day. Then we came back to NYC to rain for a week. Both United flights were not Boeing’s thankfully and all parts stayed on the plane. I’m now doing the final touches on my Orlando and Jamaica trips. This month had a few days off from work which was nice to relax. And I had my very own totally alone wellness day which was very nice.

What I Ate:

Kyuramen (Bayside, Queens)- I wasn’t impressed. Had tables in a honeycomb shape which was cool so you had to climb up to your table. Got a crispy chicken sandwich that had rice as the bun. Chicken wasn’t white meat, it looked a bit undercooked but I was also wondering if it might have been pork instead and they mixed up the order. I didn’t say anything because I know I’m picky with meat so it might have been a Me thing. They had good purple sweet potato fries though. 

The French Workshop (Bayside Queens)– this dessert made up for the lackluster dinner. I got a piece of dessert that tasted like a giant Ferrero Rocher hazelnut ball. SO GOOD.

I don’t even wanna know how many calories. My favorite part is this beautiful dessert on a nice silver platter on a paper plate with a plastic fork. This establishment said “Hard pass to washing dishes”

Wellness retreat Yo1: Breakfast lunch and Dinner. I didn’t have to make myself any of those meals; it was glorious. Vegan based. I had a chicken cutlet made of tofu. It was amazing. And I had just talked about how I can’t get behind tofu. This changed my mind. Soups, salad, juices and a chocolate mousse for dessert. I wish I could eat like that all the time. And have someone else make it.

What I Read:

The Son and Heir: A Memoir by Alexander Munninghoff

Miss Independent by Nicole Lapin

What I Watched:

Chicken Nugget (Netflix)

Oppenheimer

Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom

Baby Reindeer (Netflix)

Griselda (Netflix)

Tracker (on CBS)

Toddler Corner:

Started soccer again and he picked out new soccer shoes. Bright orange. We’re making progress in wanting to wear sports gear.

Got a helmet and scooter so we’re scooting a lot outside when it’s nice. He’s in that phase of existential crisis of wanting to be a big independent boy but also not completely being ok with not being a baby anymore. It’s emotionally exhausting but we’re working through our feelings. All of us.

Picked him up early one day that I had off to take him to the Long Island Children’s Museum to see an Eric Carle exhibit and they were also showing Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus the Musical that day…two of his favorite authors so he was very excited and overwhelmed. It was a nice family outing. I will always take him out of school for experiences.

Favorite Pic Of The Month:

I found this just laying outside the parking lot of work one morning. Warning? A sign of a fun night? The mystery is still not solved.

What I’m Looking Forward To Next Month:

More sun and being outdoors. May is going to be a relatively calm month so I have no plans, just taking it one week at a time. Unlike the always busy June.

** Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment and share. It helps me know I’m not just talking to myself **

My Fitness Journey

I’ve tried everything. 

The Zone diet. Weight Watchers. Noom. Tracking macros. Pilates. Kickboxing. Yoga. Beach Body dance videos. Pole dancing. Juice diet. I’ve danced to Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies. I’ve ab roller-ed (is that a word?). Used weights. I’ve done it all. 

Live footage of me

I’ve always been interested in fitness and diet. And now more than ever, health. It’s so fascinating and so overwhelming the amount of information that is out there. The amount of trends and fads and advice. Do this, no do THIS. No take that! So much noise and that’s probably why so many people ignore it. Because they don’t know where to start. 

I grew up in the 90’s and 2000’s, the waif period and time of baby doll tops and low rise jeans. Then social media started coming out and you saw more celebrities, and then more influencers, and everyone was so skinny and swore on their skinny jeans that they ate everything under the sun and just happened to looked like that. My favorite Instagram posts were really thin ‘influencers’ and models who always posed eating a burger or some huge gross food but never actually put it in their mouth. Always makes me laugh. No girl, you have no idea what that tastes like. Lemme show you how to devour it...

I feel like it was always a fight to be ‘thin’; whatever that means to you. And I think the really funny part is that there are moments in our lives where we don’t think we are thin. And then we look back at those pictures and are like ‘Damn girl! You should’ve been walking around naked you look so good!’

We are our own worst (and loudest) critics.

I know I am. I look back at pics in my 20’s and I can’t believe I thought I was so ‘big’. I have shorts I found and it’s quite inconceivable they once went over my thighs!

Indoor beach party back in 2012. I’m sure I thought I was fat back then. Fucking idiot. I wish I could fit into those shorts.

I am also now back at my weight before I got pregnant (which was 10 lbs. heavier than I would’ve liked to have been at the time). I just lost 10 lbs in 6 months. That happened with focusing on the things I put in my mouth and working with a dietician. Although I am well versed in nutrition and diet, I was so frustrated that the scale wasn’t moving in the Fall. So I reached out to a dietician and it has been a great experience to have someone to look at my history and see what it is that I was missing in my plan.

You can always ask for help and there are resources out there to help you online if you don’t want to talk to someone face to face. I am trying to be better at not having to do everything on my own. We can do things on our own, but I think that at some point it is always better to talk to a real live person. That is why none of the apps ever really worked—at a certain point you will always hit a plateau and have to pivot your plan. Most people just don’t know what that pivot is.

I think a lot of people have issues with their weight which not only factors from our shitty American diet and the way we process food here, but from our mostly sedentary lifestyle as well. And I think a lot of people think it’s hopeless and that it’s just the way their body is supposed to be, but I’ve seen the progress you can make with only a few tweaks.

I didn’t do anything major in the last 6 months except focus on eating more protein, fiber, and measuring out my ice cream and chocolate bars instead of just mindlessly eating the whole thing. I didn’t deprive myself. I think that is the key—slow and steady. And I know the frustration about it going ‘too slow’ or ‘the long term plateau’. This is where asking for help…helps.

Some ideas you can do to jumpstart weight loss:

It starts with small habits. Just replacing or adding one or two things until you do it without thought. Then moving on to the next thing.

  • drinking more water and teas
  • avoiding places like Starbucks and Dunkin
    • That really got me and I was out of control especially during days at work. Dunkin was the only choice around to get something. And once I started tracking the calories and amount of sugar, I was OUT. That’s a once in a while treat. But if you must go, you can reduce the number of pumps on the syrup and swap regular milk for almond milk which is lower in calories
  • if you drink soda, swapping it for sodas that are good for you. I was never a soda person in my adulthood but my new favorite is Olipop for a little something around that 3pm slump
  • focus on high protein snacks. I always have at least one stashed in my bag or desk in case I get hangry. Here are some I love:
  • If you must eat sweets (who doesn’t) pick high quality and eat the serving size. I can destroy a Haagen-Dazs but I feel better when I eat my serving (sometimes 2) instead of the whole pint. I choose high quality chocolate and I’ve actually found its more filling than the cheaper version and I’m satiated with just the serving size
  • Add vegetables when you can. Find 3-5 that you really love and always have them on hand. And don’t force yourself to eat the ones you don’t! I fucking hate cauliflower rice and I forced myself to eat it for over a year. Fucking terrible. You are not real rice!!!
  • Eat more fiber! Most people do not even eat close to what they are supposed to (for adults 25-30 grams/day). I eat the same breakfast pretty much every single day (oatmeal) and that is where I get the most fiber—from adding seeds. Try adding them in your oatmeal, smoothies, add to pancake/waffle batter. Trader Joes has most of the list below
    • chia seeds
    • ground flaxseeds
    • hemp seeds
    • pumpkin seeds
    • sunflower seeds
    • Some food with high fiber: blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, popcorn, quinoa, sweet potato, chickpeas, black beans, kidney beans, avocado, spinach

Hopefully some of those things help and if you are also struggling with your weight you are not alone. It’s even harder when you get older so we really need to focus on having good habits.

Micro habits all add up to a bigger goal. Slow and steady DOES win the race…Or eventually get you to fit into your pants better…You get the idea.

** Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment and share. It helps me know I’m not just talking to myself **

Vision Boards

Have you done a vision board before?

I have not but decided to do one this year. I’ve seen so many people say ‘these things on my vision board came true!’ so I figured, it couldn’t hurt right. 

I got these small trifold poster boards, a book of clip art from Amazon (I didn’t even know this existed), and glue tape. And one day I sat down and thought about my goals.

I think you should first look at major themes of your life. And once you start thinking through those, you’ll start to see trends or priorities. Some themes are:

  • personal growth
  • self care
  • business
  • health
  • love
  • family
  • finances
  • connection/friends/social

You can focus on all or just some for the year and really hone in.

I think it’s best if you write down those themes on a paper and then think about each one. Maybe write down the first 2-3 words that pop into your head so you can start seeing your priorities and keywords of the year.

Then you dream.

And that is the hardest part especially for realistic, practical people like me. But it took work to stop myself from saying ‘no that could never happen’. Because WHY NOT. Why NOT me??

And did I dream to the max? No.

Because dreaming to the max would look like getting someone somewhere somehow to fund a trip around the world for a year and quitting my job. Sure it could happen, but I would rather not be disappointed when it doesn’t.

Making a vision board doesn’t mean that it’s just going to magically happen but it gives you focus on to the things that we WANT to happen. It helps give us a little more guidance and purpose in our actions. It means we still have to do the work to get there.

My keywords and phrases for this year are:

  • make it happen
  • step out of your comfort zone
  • do more of what makes you happy

I tend to play everything safe, make sure there’s always a plan. And is planning good? Yes. But that means I am less likely to take a risk and I feel that I just need to push myself to go out on a limb and do the things I’ve been too scared to do. Because if I don’t, then what was the point of all this self discovery the last couple of years? What am I really working towards?

My masterpiece. 2024, I’m coming for you!

I did put travel in the middle of the board and made it my focus and priority. Unfortunately, I’ve funded the 3 trips we’re taking so far without the help of a wealthy benefactor, but at least we’re going places!

I’m hoping to squeeze in another good trip at the end of the year but first I have to focus on these. And replenish my bank account. But there still is time for a distant rich uncle to send me a check.

What’s your focus for the new year? What are your keywords or feelings?

** Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment and share. It helps me know I’m not just talking to myself **

Do You Have ANTs In Your Brain?

Dr. Amen calls Automatic Negative Thoughts, ANTs.

They’re the thoughts that infest our mind. The ones that creep in and sometimes we go, ‘whoa where did that come from’. We all have those thoughts but some let it take over their whole brain and way of thinking. 

I call it spiraling. I’ve been there. You have one thought that leads you to another then you’re forecasting things that haven’t even happened (and most likely wont) and catastrophizing and then you’re mad at someone for something that hasn’t even happened yet….I see you smirking. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. 

I used to be a BIG spiraler. Something used to worry or bother me and then I would harp on it and think about it and I couldn’t sleep sometimes because it would bother me so much. But I eventually learned that not every thought serves you. You don’t need to believe every single thought that comes into your mind.

And Dr. Amen has some great questions to stop you from spiraling. 

Ask yourself: Is this thought true?

Then ask yourself: Is this 100% true without a doubt?

For example. Saying things like ‘He never listens to me’.

Is that 100% true? ALL the time? Probably not. 

Okay lets think, when are the times when he did listen to me? 

What was the last time I am thinking about where I feel he wasn’t? Was he in the middle of doing something? Maybe I thought it was a good time to talk to him but he was preoccupied with something else. 

I do this when I start getting frustrated with my kid. ‘He doesn’t listen to me’ fits in that scenario too. Did he hear me? Did he understand me? Was he busy doing something and distracted? It’s not all the time, so I shouldn’t take it personally. How can we work on our communication better?

Dr. Amen list different kinds of ANTS. He never listens to me would be an ‘all or nothing ANT’. 

A Mind reading ANT would be ‘she must be mad at me because she didn’t kiss me goodbye’ (we’ve all had these thoughts as well). And usually it comes from misunderstanding or miscommunication. And that’s why it’s sooo important to let someone know what you are thinking and feeling–you might not agree or resolve something, but at least it is clear and out there.

Sometimes when I have real dark or mean thoughts I like to picture it as a screen in my mind and I swipe it away and go to the next screen. Bye bad thought, next. I don’t always get to do it and sometimes I stew for a bit longer than I should but I think it’s all about catching them as best you can.

Let it go. So many people are holding onto grudges all the time, lifelong grudges. And what’s funny is that most of the time, the other person doesn’t even know what you are mad about, it’s a YOU problem. 

Clear your brain of those ANTs and make room for positive things, happy thoughts, daydream of your next vacation. Bye bye ANTs, You can’t live here. 

Get the hell out of here!

Here is his book if you are interested in learning more about the brain and being a happier version of yourself: You, Happier

** Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, comment and share. It helps me know I’m not just talking to myself **