I was talking to someone at work about making friends as adults. And we concluded that it’s really hard.
In your 20’s you’re constantly out and meeting people but then your friends start getting married, move away, have kids and you see them less and less.
And then in your 30’s you’re stuck in this weird place where you have friends, they’re not just readily accessible to you, and it takes effort to coordinate schedules. And realistically the place you spend the most time is at work, so it’s best you find a friend there, but that doesn’t always happen.
This new girl was telling me that she was growing apart from those she thought were friends–some still wanted to party and others just got weird. I get that. She said she just wanted to do things and go to museums or places not just drink anymore. I also get that. I told her that if I didn’t have a kid I would go to a museum with her.
And that’s the thing, it takes a lot of effort to schedule a time to see people and then you have to be selective with your time. You can’t do EVERYTHING like you did in your 20’s. I’m already scheduled 3 weeks out and if I have plans 3 out of 4 weekends in a month I’m not filling that last one. I need a cushion for breathing.
So we were talking about where you DO actually meet new people if not at work in your 30’s and it’s hard.
If you’re into sports you can sign up for a team sport but it’s always awkward to find a team to join when it’s probable that everyone else knows each other and made their own team.
You don’t really want to meet someone at a bar in your 30’s because you know, Baby Reindeer.
Classes like dance, fitness or art? Perhaps. But I feel like those for adults are far and few between and fitness classes are a strange vibe–yes you like the same thing but everyone just books it to the next thing, they don’t wait around looking to make friends.
I came across this article a few months ago and thought that it was an interesting concept: hosting a dinner party for strangers.
You can read the article here: Adult stranger dinner party
I would be interested in attending one but honestly I don’t have time to host a dinner party for my own friends so I doubt I will.
I have always had dreams about hosting an elaborate old school dinner party where everyone gets dressed up with all the feels of Clue The Movie. One day, when I don’t live in a tiny apartment, maybe I will.
It’s an interesting set up for someone who just moved to an area and is trying to make friends. Imagine if we could have these gatherings in every neighborhood, it would be a great way to foster a community which we have definitely lost in the last couple of decades.
Here are some sites I found around dinner parties for strangers if you’re interested:
The dinner party project
Dinner with Friends NYC
& The Table
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Life With Purpose (And Other Things) 